It is disappointing in the office when I am evaluating a child who is suspected of having visual problems that are impacting their reading and learning and the parent is engaged with their phone instead of with what we are doing. It is also disappointing when the child, as soon as there is a break, is clambering to engage with a device. It is a strong sign of how the child spends their time. Time is a limited resource and should be invested well, which should include free play away from devices.
Being a parent is one of the most important challenges that any of us who have children face, and helping to form character isn’t getting easier. The consequences of addiction to devices have made this job much more difficult. If this is to change, the change, in many cases, will need to start with the parents who spend more time engaged with electronics than they do with their children. When, as a child, I disagreed with my mother, she would facetiously say, “Do as I say, not as I do.” We all know that the messages from our actions speak much louder than words. There isn’t anything more valuable that we can give to our children than our time, attention, and love. What they learn from that is difficult to learn any other way.
In the Forward to this book, Lenore Skenazy shared that she kept underlining almost everything that she was reading. I had the same experience, so I can’t just share excerpts. I recommend that you read this book if this issue concerns you. The book is not long. The first section which presents research to support when many of us are seeing is only 46 pages.
It takes conviction to change what is happening to your family when almost everyone else is being swept along. With television years ago, which was not interactive or as addictive, we were at least as concerned about what our children were not doing when they were planted in front of the screen as we were about what they were watching. When they got away from the television, they were almost always doing something which was more valuable to them, learning life lessons that can only be learned from life. We were also fortunate to have other children in the neighborhood who were also kicked outside.
We recently posted excerpts from Braiding Sweetgrass, and the comparison is stark. What values are our children learning? What skills? How many challenges have they faced? How do they handle failure? Have they persisted and tried other approaches or asked for help? How much resilience are they developing? Do they have time, quiet, and solitude to think about who they are? These cannot happen when they are always plugged in. Are they learning to use their words and not just shout out in frustration and anger? Are they learning to read others and to work things out to their mutual benefit? Are they learning that everything is not immediate, that many tasks take time, and that life has responsibilities, ups and downs, pain and disappointment. Are they developing the emotional regulation that will enable them to cope? Are they developing empathy, self-image, and a work ethic? Everyone is important. They should feel important but also understand that they have a place in the world and that it is not all about them. The statistics on mental health aren’t encouraging.
I just reread The Boys in the Boat, which may be the most powerful book that I have read. Yes, this took place a century ago and the world has changed, mostly for the better, but it contains powerful messages from real events involving real lives. Although the physical and electronic world that we live in has changed quickly and dramatically, humans still have needs that have not changed. There was an older man who is a boat craftsman and something of a self-taught sage who is an important part of the story. One of his observations was that it seemed that all exceptional oarsmen developed just the right balance between ego and humility. This cannot be developed from a book or a “smart” phone or a video game. We learn and incorporate the lesson into who we are when what we do has real consequences. There isn’t a fast or sheltered way to learn these lessons. It cannot be done without experiencing failure, without experiencing pain, without experiencing loss and working to recover. Life is materially easier than it was a few generations ago in most of our families but it still has the same essential challenges. How are our children and grandchildren going to learn these lessons? Are we guiding their development or are they being misled by superficial bursts of engagement which will not prepare them for the challenges and resilience they will need to have fulfilling lives?
The Anxious Generation
While the wiring of our brains continues for our entire lives, this wiring is particularly robust in our early years. Jonathan Haidt explains how the decrease in unsupervised free play and the increase use of electronics has caused a rewiring.
Be the Parent, Please
Naomi Schaefer Riley Be the Parent, Please is about controlling children’s use of technology. While the author expresses a variety of concerns, this blog will be limited to the effects of technology on education. Technology has made many aspects of our lives easier, faster, and more efficient. There are useful applications of technology in education,…
Digital Addictions are Drowning us in Dopamine
This is dopamine addiction. Stopping now will cause withdrawal symptoms.
Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation? by Jean M. Twenge
My immediate concerns about smartphone use is their potential to cause eyestrain and their tendency to interfere with sleep. Jean M. Twenge is a professor of psychology at San Diego State University. Due to her professional orientation, she doesn’t mention vision but discusses psychological and social problems related to smartphone use. Her article, which you…
The Distraction Addiction
What are the short-term effects of electronic media on individuals and society? What do you think the long-term effects will be – positive and negative? Most of us feel compelled to immediately respond to every electronic interruption, regardless of what we are doing. What affect is this having on our ability to perform tasks which require…
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